I have not posted in such a long time, I’m so sorry guys! These past few weeks have been very busy and full. We are finally into our house! We’ve been cleaning and fixing and making it into a home, slowly but surely. Then there was Thanksgiving, and since we did not have a fridge or an adequate oven at the time, we ate our Thanksgiving meal out. That was a new experience, and not a bad one either. My dads birthday came soon after, and we finally got to give him the Star Wars hoodie we’ve been hiding for two months.
So now that I’ve caught up, I’ll get to the “meat” of my post.
I have always been a worrier. When I was little I always thought I had some sort of illness or disease, from tuberculosis to cancer. I’m not kidding, I would get so paranoid! Up until I was probably fourteen I went on so, thinking at any moment disaster could strike and I would die of some illness virtually unknown to man. It took me a while and some thinking (and most likely prompting by the Holy Spirit), but I finally convinced myself that living in fear like that was unGodly. I don’t need to be afraid of death, because that is not the end. Not that I want to die, I would like to like my life to the fulfillment of God’s will. I want to get married and have children, and run a household of my own. But I had to let God put me into the mindset that, when I do die, it will be because of His will, and His much larger plan. Once I did that, I was no longer living in fear of the unknown. I had peace that only comes from God, which is what sustains me through tough times.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.” I John 4:18 (NKJV)
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)
I’m not going to say that I haven’t been worried about my health since! I’ve had quite a few random and minor things come up that threatened to put me into subjugation since. These past few weeks I’ve had a strange pain coming and going in my leg. Nothing crippling, but I was immediately scared because of my family history of varicose veins. (If you don’t know what that is, look it up. It’s not fun.) I was depressed and started stressing out, and was just overall unhappy (hormones probably weren’t helping either). Like the movie Inside Out showed us, crying can help sometimes. Even Gandalf said, “Not all tears are evil.” (2 Corinthians 7:10) So I had a good crying session, and gave all my fears and doubts to God. And, like He always does, He replaced my fear with peace, and my doubt with confidence in Him. The pain in my leg didn’t lessen, but the pain in my heart did. (Several days down the road now, it feels a lot better.) In my conversation with God, I also realized that I have not been spending anywhere near sufficient time in His Word and in prayer. It hurt me to think about it, realizing how He wants to bear my sins and grief, and all because I wasn’t bringing it to Him in prayer and fellowship, I was suffering (yes, I just rewrote that very beloved hymn in my own words). So many times I’ve picked up my iPad when I should’ve picked up my Bible, complained about things to my sister when I should’ve brought them before my Jesus. I have never, in my over 10 years of being a Christian, consistently read my Bible, and I’m hoping to change that now. I want to look forward every day (or even twice a day!) to what God wants to show me in His Word. I want to really learn and study, and not just read so I can cross it off my list. There is a daily reading plan at the back of my study Bible that takes me through the entire Bible in one year. I can’t wait to start it when the new year begins! I would love to post on here every week about what God has revealed to me in scripture, and what I am currently reading. It would be awesome to hear about what my lovely readers are currently delving into in the Bible. Christians should encourage eachother in such things, I believe.
So, my dear friends, whatever you are going through right now, don’t go through it without spending time with the Person who loves us more than anyone else ever did or ever can, and promises to never leave or forsake us. Don’t fall into fear and depression and loneliness. Just open up your Bible, and open up your heart to what our awesome God has to teach you. I promise you won’t regret it!