Continuing from Part 1 (previous post).
Now that I’ve explained my thoughts on dating and courtship it’s time for me to answer the rest of the assigned questions. Here we go!
What are the character traits you consider important in a spouse?
Loving, kind, humble, pure, honest, bold in his faith, hard-working, intelligent, trustworthy, supportive, good sense of humor (to be able to deal with my weird sense of humor), reliable, responsible, compassionate, patient (Lord help him, he’ll need a lot of patience with me), cheerful, optimistic, loves children, helpful, easygoing, reasonable, thoughtful.
That’s my list, at least what I can come up with right now. Wishful thinking? Maybe. Maybe that is unattainable in a person who is not Jesus. But maybe there’s a young man out there that fits the golden criteria. I have been praying for a while now that God would mold and prepare me now to fit my future husbands “golden criteria” for a wife.
How will you “find” a spouse?
This question strikes me as a little odd, because I have no idea how I’m going to “find” a spouse. When I was younger I kind of just expected to have really close family friends who we knew for ages and I would marry into it. But since I’m almost 17 and we still have no such friends with young men my age, I don’t think its going to happen that way anymore. I could be wrong though, I won’t know till it happens. I like this quote (I’m not sure who said it, and I tweaked it a lil):
“Run as fast as you can towards God, and if you find someone beside you, introduce yourself.”
I don’t think this means you can’t already know this person. I think it’s saying that, if you are following God’s will for your life He’ll bring the right person alongside you. Maybe doing the same mission work, fighting for the same cause, or writing on the same topic. Those are only 3 of numerous possibilities!
How will you know he/she is the one for you?
When his faith in and love for Christ is evident, he fits my “golden criteria,” and none of the people I love and trust oppose me having a relationship with him, I think those are good signs that he’s “the one.” I think from what I have read in the Bible I’ve learned that we can have high (but not hypocritical or unattainable) standards, but also that couples in the Bible didn’t have a lot of time to contemplate if he/she was “the one.” In the case of Rebekah and Isaac, God gave Abraham’s servant a sign, but Rebekah and Isaac didn’t ask for one. They were married the day they met and just trusted God that He wanted them to be together. Abigail married David after only speaking with and seeing him once, but she knew that David was a man of God and so she trusted God in her marriage. Maybe they didn’t feel a lightning bolt from God that this person was the person for them, I don’t know, but I’m not going to expect a lightning bolt revelation. I will be attentive to the Holy Spirit’s prodding, either to or away from prospective spouses. But I don’t think it’s ALWAYS so stark and clear.
What role will your parents have in this?
My parents will be the ones that 1. let me go out on dates (at least in the beginning) and 2. give me their own opinion on the guys I’m interested in and/or are interested in me. Also they will influence my convictions about restrictions in a dating relationship if necessary. They will be the ones guiding, preparing, and praying for me. They have a very important role in such a situation. Their thoughts and opinions can overrule mine, and I trust them with that, being the Godly people they are and also because of the 4th commandment to honor my father and mother.
This question was not asked but I think it’s an important one as well, which is:
What are your personal dating restrictions?
- Avoid tempting situations such as kissing on the lips (“making out” in particular), being absolutely alone (not in a public place, without friends or family) for long periods of time, über lengthy hugs, etc., or whatever that may look like for us. This really depends on the couple so I’m not going to push this on anyone. God never commanded that we can’t kiss or hold hands before we’re married but I think He does give certain people different convictions on those sorts of things. Some people may feel comfortable giving sweet little on-the-lip kisses before they’re married, others might want to wait for their wedding day. I don’t want to get too deep into this though since there’s enough material for me to talk on this subject for several more blog posts.
- No premarital sex. This is just a given. It’s commanded by God over and over again in both the Old and New Testaments, and if a guy EVER tries to convince me into sexual intimacy before we are married then I can take it as a sign first of all that his relationship with God is not right, and also that I am not worth it enough to him to wait for marriage for something that was made only for marriage.
In order to go on a first date with me he must:
- Be a strong believer and follower of Christ
- Respect my parents decisions about my dating relationships
- Value and fight for my purity
- Respect and encourage my personal dating restrictions (above)
- Not be a desperate flirt (Theres a difference between constant and inappropriate flirting and innocent playfulness.)
So, what do my readers think? Are you going to go about it differently than I, or have your prayers, thoughts, research, and Bible-reading brought you to the same conclusions as mine have? Have any of you been in Godly dating relationships? Leave a comment!