The Gentle and Quiet (???) Spirit


(Thoughts I had while doing my own personal Bible reading) 

1 Peter 3:4
A verse that has always bothered me because I thought it meant I needed to change my personality. I think of all the times I get excited and bubbly while having fun, or during Bible study I discover something new and exciting or read something that causes deep thoughts to come to the forefront of my mind, and I have to let them out. I don’t like the thought that I, as a Christian woman, have to be “quiet.” Gentle, I don’t mind because I’m not as gentle as I should be, and I want to work on it. But quiet? Isn’t that a little old fashioned? But I missed a very key word here. Spirit. “Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” How often are things in the Bible called very precious in Gods sight? Not often! And yet this is something that God considers precious. If you look at verse 5, it says that in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves. Let take a look at some holy women of the Bible. 

We’ll start with Deborah in Judges. Not only was she the one God’s people came to for Judgement and advice, but she prophesied, led the Israelites into battle against the Canaanites (along with Barak), and sang a victorious song of praise to God afterwards. Was she quiet in the verbal sense of the word? Not at all. 

Next Ruth. Her mother in law told her to pursue Boaz for their redemption from their pitiful state. Did she argue? No. But did she pursue Boaz’s favor by following him and boldly talking to him? Yes! This is not what I would consider “quiet.” 

Next we’ll jump into 1 Samuel 25 to Abigail. In perhaps one of the boldest moves made by a woman in the Old Testament, she confronted a wildly bloodthirsty pre-King David and 400 of his wildly bloodthirsty men. In order to bring peace and to keep David from forfeiting his crown, she brought food at the risk of losing her own life. She prophesied to what God’s plans were for David’s life and urged him to keep from bloodshed and stay true to God, and God would make for him an “enduring house.” Wow. Would you consider this quiet? Not me! 

Now in the book of Esther. She goes before the Babylonian king uninvited, at the risk of losing her life, and pleads for the lives of her people. In the meantime accusing his right hand man, Haman, of deceiving him. Bold in every sense of the word! Her courage and unabashed need to be heard kept an entire people, the people of God, from going extinct. 

I could go on, but I think my point has been made. Have we girls of the post feminist movement started to misinterpret parts of the New Testament, the very Word of God, as misogynistic (I hate typing that word out by the way 😂)? Maybe even without realizing it? If God doesn’t mean “women should be seen and not heard” in 1 Peter 3:4, what does He mean? Why is this thing that is commanded to only women (which I think is very special) so precious in His sight? To quote Elizabeth George, “Quiet has to do with a tranquility arising from within, causing no disturbance to others. Quiet means bearing with tranquility the disturbances caused by others. Quiet applies to words, countenances, and actions.” (Putting on a Gentle and Quiet Spirit, pg 13, 14)

I think here God means a quietness that comes from within. A quietness that maybe only women are able to convey, and all these bold, peacemaking Biblical heroines do convey. It comes from our God-given spirits, an ability to bring peace to a situation or people in general. Maybe this is a characteristic of God that is given to us, but we have foolishly discounted it because a (roughly) 6,000 year history of men abusing their God given, for-a-purpose, ultimate dominion over the earth. But because legalistic men and women have misinterpreted this verse as a tool to keep women, in the verbal sense of the word, quiet, does this mean that we women should cover it with a black pen so we don’t feel convicted or commanded by this verse? Absolutely not. It’s important. Christian women are commanded and have the power to be peacemakers. Starting in their own homes and spreading to their friendships, churches, workplaces, and the entire world. And it’s PRECIOUS in God’s sight! How amazing is that? 

Being an Entrepreneur is Hard


I read an article called (I’m paraphrasing) “How to know you’re meant to be an entrepreneur.” One of the reasons was, if you started businesses all the time as a kid. I definitely did that. When I was seven I planned a lemonade stand at my grandmas house (she lives on a very quiet, not busy street but that didn’t deter me). After that I gave massages for a dime, ran a “library” with my own books out of my room, started a homemade cookie business, inspired garage sales, babysat, and had a million business ideas. I would have so much passion for my business idea early on. I would get a rush of pure energy and excitement as I planned it out. And then reality would set in and my dreams would take a back seat. I sold so many cookies, but I never actually made a substantial amount of money because I would use all my earnings to buy ingredients. It was fun, but not profitable. I lived in Tucson for 6 months and found a small coffee shop that would sell homemade crafts for free, so I meticulously crocheted several sets of washcloths, packaged them prettily, and priced them accordingly. I was so excited. I sold 2 sets out of the 4 or 5 I made. Then the business shut down, and I never got my unsold washcloths back. Time after time my “business ventures” have ended in disappointment. And for someone like me who has never had a desire to go to college, it was especially discouraging. If I couldn’t even succeed in selling something little and cheap, how was I supposed to make a living as an adult? Babysitting is fine, but it can be unpredictable and you can’t always fall in love with your clients (I have been very blessed by some great babysitting jobs over the years, so don’t give up!) 

That’s where Young Living comes in. My mom discovered Young Living essential oils when I was 15, and began working as an independent distributor at the same time. At first she struggled a lot. It was rough to see her work so hard and only one person show up to her oil parties (this has happened more than 3 times in only one year and a couple months of having parties). I would even shed a few tears about it sometimes; it just hurt me to know she felt like a failure or like she wasn’t doing good enough. I could sympathize with that. Once I turned 16 I too became an independent distributor. It’s been a slow beginning for me as well, but not as bad as her because by the time I started my mom had a good support system going and was able to build my down line. But I have a unique problem — my friends are not grown women with a paycheck, they are broke teens who are overwhelmed with school and cars and college and LIFE. How am I supposed to be successful and help my friends if they can’t even afford it? For the most part I have yet to figure this out. How to pursue a passion that I’ve always had, maintain amazing relationships, and reach people I care about with something as life changing as essential oils are without them thinking I see them as extra cash or them seeing me like a crazy hippy witch. One day I hope to have girls like me to throw oil parties with, celebrate small victories with (like making Senior Star!), and educate people with. But for now it’s me and mom. I get a paycheck every month, I help people with their oil questions all the time, and I assist my mom every day. My end goal, if it’s God’s will, is to continue making rank and reach a point where I COULD be completely independent. I’d love to buy a house and be able to make it “mine”. Sometimes this seems improbable and like wishful thinking, but I know this business won’t just drop out from under me like every other of my ideas has. I finally have an outlet for my passion, and this time it seriously helps people and I’m confident in the products I’m representing, because I was skeptical at first but then I actually experienced them and I could hardly believe it. 

God made each of us with different passions: some have a great talent with animals, some with children, some with the hurt and dying, some with struggling people overseas, some with art, music, dancing, some with sciences or teaching. And some  (like the forgotten portions of Proverbs 31, verses 13, 16, 18, and 24 in particular) with entrepreneurship.  When someone asks you what you’re doing for college, you can say with confidence “I am/hope to be an entrepreneur.” If you’re building your business (whatever it may be) in a God honoring way, it’s not something to be ashamed of. You are not greedy or less intelligent compared to your more academic peers because of your career choice. You don’t shirk from hard work and being creative and putting yourself out there to survive. And that’s why it’s hard, but oh so amazing, to be an entrepreneur. 

Q&A 

This was a long time in the coming, I’m really sorry I’ve neglected my blog all year! I hope you guys enjoy these answers to your questions! You asked some great ones! 

Q: What makeup products do you use?

A: Young Living lipgloss/perfume set, Bling highlighter stick (in silver), Covergirl mascara (in very black), EOS lip balm, and ULTA brand eyeshadow. 

Q: Favorite thing to do with your family? 

A: Probably talk! We have good conversations, of the theological and nerdy sorts and everything in between. Besides that I really like watching movies/TV shows together. 

Q: Family traditions you love?

A: Our nightly Bible study and our birthday outing with just mom and dad. 

Q: Books/movies you had high hopes for, but didn’t enjoy?

A: A movie that disappointed me the most was Tomorrowland. I was so looking forward to seeing Walt Disney’s imagination come to life in a way it hadn’t ever before, and instead 3/4 of the movie was a random girl and guy running/driving away. Ugh. 

Q: Top 3 favorite YouTubers?

A: Girl Defined Ministries, How it Should Have Ended, and Blimey Cow. 

Q: Favorite Christian Books?

A: Hudson Taylors Spiritual Secret, Do Hard Things, Stepping Heavenward, Pilgrims Progress, and Preparing to be a Help Meet. 

Q: Your passions and how you use them for God? 

A: I have a passion for writing. I try and use my writing as a way to point people to Christ, my blog and Instagram being a big part of that. I also have a passion for reaching out to people who may be hurting, which I’m not as good at but I’m trying! 

Q: Favorite books?

A: All the above mentioned books, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Hobbit, The Bronze Bow, The Viking Quest series, The Chronicles of Narnia, Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, and several Janette Oke books. 

Q: Favorite books for singles?

A: Preparing to be a Help Meet and Stepping Heavenward. 

Q: How oils have and are transforming your health?

A: Oils have impacted almost every part of my life! Not a day goes by when I don’t come in contact with them somehow. My skin is clearer, my immune system works better, I have less toxins in my body, I smell better, I could go on! 

Q: Favorite computer game/app/or video game? 

A: I have a confession: I really don’t ever play video games, or even apps on my phone! But I love watching my dad or brother play Shadow of Mordor and the Arkham Knight trilogy so those are my favorites

Q: Favorite hairstyle?

A: Well I like half up styles best but my hair is normally in a convenient knot at the back of my head

Q: Favorite store?

A: Trader Joe’s!!! And Natural Grocers. For clothing I really like Old Navy and H&M

Q: What’s your favorite recipe to make?

A: Probably my chili. I actually won grand prize at a chili cook off when I was 13! 

Q: What are your top 5 movies of all time?

A: This is probably that hardest question I’ve ever had to answer. AHH. Ok I’ll narrow it down. The Fellowship of the Ring, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Man of Steel, and Back to the a Future. 

Q: What is your least favorite music genre?

A: Country. I like Bluegrass and Folk, but NOT Country. 

Q: What is your favorite season?

A: Spring! If I could make it Spring all year long I totally would. It’s warm but not too warm, there are green things and flowers everywhere, and it’s just so fresh and optimistic. 

Q: What’s your favorite Bible verse?

A: Another hard question since I have a billion favorite Bible verses. Romans 8:38-39 is very dear to my heart though. 

Q: What have you learned from being an older sister?

A: Oh, so so much! I’m still learning patience, responsibility, kindness, gentleness, and how to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve noticed what my siblings really need from me is for me to be gentle and kind. They react so amazingly to being treated that way. 

Q: What kind of phone do you have? And do you like it? 

A: I have an iPhone SE, and I like it a lot!

There you go! I hope you like my answers! This was really fun to do, thank you so much to the people who gave me these great questions! 

2016 


This year. I don’t really think I can define it as really good or really bad. Health-wise I didn’t feel great. It felt like one thing after the other all year, whether it was random pains or stomach issues or just a lack of energy and motivation. Ick. School-wise I kinda failed. My room was messy most of the time. I didn’t keep up with my chores or what went into my stomach. I ate sugar and drank coffee even though they made me feel sick. I didn’t publish half as many blog posts as I wanted to. I spent way too much time on social media. I didn’t write as much as I wanted too. I did hardly any reading outside of school (and Bible of course), which included a vast amount of books, and classics too. But still, I didn’t even try to make time.

 I was also busier than I’ve ever been this year. I made friends that require you to actually see them in person to get to know them. All 2015 I bemoaned the fact that I had no friends, but all 2016 I realized how hard it is to make friends! It’s one of the hardest things I did this year! Some people I thought I would click with I didn’t, and people I never would have expected to click with I did! I realized that you need that click in an acquaintance to really become friends with them, which is a really odd sensation. Some days I just wanted to cry with frustration about how hard it is (some days I actually did). But the relief and joy I got from clicking with people was so great. I realized I’m not that much of a weirdo, people do have the capacity to like me. I have this thing where, when I’m getting to know people, I want to share everything with them. I become like an open book, and later on it embarrasses me when I realize that people probably don’t even care. Some people made me really comfortable opening up to them though, and I’m so grateful to them because I really need that. 

I was also busy with actual work this year! I babysat, started a business, and volunteered at church. I had responsibilities to other people, not just myself and my family. Lots of lessons learned there too. 

My church experience was unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced in my life. I really ate up sermons. I cried during worship. God spoke to me directly through all of it. I also gained a loving church family, one that has blessed us so many times. I made friends with wise adults and was encouraged by them. I learned a lot about God overall. 

So this is super long already, but I would like to give you all a rundown of my year by the month! 


January

Not much happened. We painted our house and unpacked boxes. I drank a lot of cappuccinos, watched Pride and Prejudice (’95), and did school. 


February:

My Nana and Pawpaw visited and we went on a train to Santa Fe. On the 13th I attended a Dating and Relationships seminar at church for all the youths. It was really helpful and informative! 


March

I turned 16! I got my own Young Living Starter Kit as a present. I also found out that my mom was expecting my 10th sibling (counting baby Hope in heaven). 


April:

My great aunt and great uncle, my mom’s cousin, and her kids came for a visit. We explored the petroglyphs only minutes away from our house with them, which was so cool! My aunt and uncle and 6 cousins also came for a visit. My baby brother Elam (which means “forever” in Hebrew) went to be with Jesus and my sister Hope. It was very hard for me to deal with and my heart hurt a lot, but God sustained me through it. 


May:

I got a new pupper! Mollie was the highlight of the month. My Nana and Pawpaw visited again and we went on the train to Santa Fe again. I also got a haircut I regretted but it’s all good now. 😂


June

My aunt surprised my mom for her birthday and visited! We had so much fun with her. 


July

This was when things really started to get busy! VBS was so much fun! I made a new friend (hi Caitlyn!), and got barely any sunburn. There was also a ball, which I was so nervous about but turned out to be some of the most fun I had all year. Also I started another great friendship because of Air Force, fandoms, and weirdness (Emma, you know who you are. 😂) 


August:

A considerable portion of my church left to start a church plant including one of my friends, so everyone was already a little sad. But then the Sunday of their sending off Pastor did a sermon and mentioned, his voice breaking with tears, a family who had lost a child and a job in one year and still trusted God through it. I don’t know if he was talking about my family or not but my tears would not stop flowing. I couldn’t stop crying the rest of the sermon. Talking afterwards was difficult. I called my Nana as soon as we got home from church and told her about it and she encouraged me an comforted me. Thankfully she came for a visit only a week or so later, bringing my Pawpaw and Tío with her. This month I also started getting constant neck and head pain. 

September:

We took a trip to Flagstaff and Tucson, AZ just for fun. We visited the Grand Canyon too! 


October:

My Grandma and Grandpa flew in for a visit. We went to Santa Fe on the train (again 😂), and also to the top of the Sandia mountains which was so amazing! This was also the month Elam was due, so I was a little melancholy all October imagining how happy this month could have been, but also rejoicing in how his little life blessed us! 


November:

I attempted NaNoWriMo but was not successful. I did a lot of shopping and babysitting this month! My aunt, uncle, 6 cousins, and Nana and Pawpaw came for Thanksgiving and my dad’s birthday, which was SO much fun! I also visited the doctor about the pain that started in August and she diagnosed me with tight muscles in my neck and shoulders, and prescribed me massages and helpful essential oils. A relieving visit to be sure! 


December:

My sister had a super fun sleepover for her birthday and we didn’t go to sleep until 4 am. We saw Rogue One on opening day, and it was really great! 😂 I went to 2 Christmas parties and had a lovely Christmas overall. 

So that was pretty much it! How was your year overall? 

The Q&A Tag

Phoebe from The Storybook Journal did this tag back in October and I’m just now getting to it! These are honestly SO MUCH FUN so even though she didn’t tag me specifically I’m doing it. 



When you’re worried and can’t sleep, what do you do? I douse myself in calming essential oils like lavender or frankincense or Stress Away, and then I like to read my Bible. Usually in the Gospels or Psalms. They just give me such peace, and reading helps me relax. 


What’s your favorite spice associated with Autumn? Well, besides cinnamon, I really like cardamom and nutmeg. Yum. 

Do you know any great Thanksgiving songs? I do not. Actually, until reading this question, I never even thought that such a thing existed. 



What was the last book you read and liked? A Tale of Two Cities, hands down. It was a gorgeous book. Hard to get through at first, but it had me crying at the end. Sydney!!!! *sniff sniff* 


Have you ever given yourself a theme song? Share one. Like Phoebe said, what an interesting question! Be Thou My Vision is a song that is very dear to my soul. I often find myself not focusing on what truly matters in my life, and this song helps bring me back to where I need to be. UPDATE: so days after I wrote this, Be Thou My Vision was one of the worship songs we sang at my church on Sunday. Wow. God knew I needed that. I cried. 



If you could be costumed appropriately as anyone you wanted, who would you be? This is a tough one so I’m going to allow myself three answers. 1.) Audrey Hepburn.  She’s my style inspiration and she was absolutely fabulous. 2.) Goldberry (from The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien) Can I just say breathtaking? Yes? Thank you. 3.) Elizabeth Bennet (1995). Either her green or coral gown. Absolutely stunning. 


What is a hobby that you excel at? Drawing I suppose. Art can look like rubbish to some and people will still call it art so it’s MUCH easier to be good at than, say, writing. People have complimented me on my writing to but I feel like I still have a lot to work on in that. 

What is your favorite holiday decoration that is a staple at your house? A plush Nativity Scene that my parents bought at a bazzar when we lived in Germany. It was hand sewn by women in Poland (I’m 1/8th Polish) and is so precious to me. Plus I loved going to the Bazzar every year! It took up a good part of the flightline on base! 

Do you sing outloud, or hum? Both. It depends on who’s around. Sometimes I just dance and mouth the words like a crazy hyper rock star. 😂 

Do you have a favorite word? What is it? I have a lot. Lovely, joy, ethereal, saorsa, peace, radiant. But my favorite is Savior. 

Here are my ten questions! 

  1. What place (besides your home and your church) are you happiest?
  2. If you could only eat three meals for the rest of your life, what would you pick? (Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner. Mix it up!) 
  3. What animal do you think is the best representation of your personality? 
  4. What is your favorite movie that came out the year you were born?
  5. Have you ever danced with a partner? If so, describe your experience. 
  6. If you have ever used essential oils, which is your favorite? 
  7. What is the oldest thing you own? 
  8. Which of the Fruits of the Spirit has God been teaching you the most this year? 
  9. What is your favorite outfit that you posses? 
  10. What do you dream your life will be like in ten years?

If you have a blog feel free to do this tag! After you’ve published it be sure to comment back here and let me know! I’d love to read your answers! 

    5 Friendship Tips for the Christian Girl – A Guest Post 

    Hi friends! This is a guest post by Crown of Beauty Magazine. Soon I’ll be writing a guest post for them, so stay tuned for that! 

    From the very beginning, God knew that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). To this day, much of our self-worth is pinned on how many people we can name as best friends, how long our guest lists are for our birthday parties, and how few nights we spend at home refreshing Pinterest for more snack ideas. Everything is about the friend group: how to find one and how to keep it together when things inevitably go south. There’s that old adage: you are who you hang out with. Someone once said, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” And as much as we’d like to think that we are in charge of our own actions and decisions, the people we spend our time with have a huge influence over what we choose to say and do and what we choose to not say and not do.   

    So, what type of people are you allowing to influence you daily? Do your friends point you to Christ and His love? Are they encouraging you to stay grounded in the Word of God and seek after His truth in a world of relativism and feel-good morality? Are their hearts and minds set on things above? These are the characteristics of godly friends, people who will grow alongside you, who will sharpen you as iron sharpens iron. Friends who live like Christ are the most important people of all! The problem is finding these friends, isn’t it? How can we develop friendships that stick more closely than family?

    1) Be that Friend

    The #1 rule about forming Godly friendships, is to first be the friend that you desire to have! Are you looking for an accountability partner to walk with you through a tough time, or make sure that you stay focused on your daily Bible reading? Call up a friend and ask them if they’re interested. Do you want to find a girls’ Bible study on living like Christ? Text some girls and invite them over. As Matthew West so succinctly put it in his song ‘Do Something’, “If not us, then who? If not me and you? Right now, it’s time for us to do something.” If you’re looking for a group of godly friends to encourage you? Be that godly friend and encourage the people around you. 

    2) Love Unconditionally 

    We are all broken, sinful people. Even the best friends in the world will disappoint you, and there will be nights where you cry out to God for help to just understand what’s going on in your world. Sometimes you might think giving up would be easier than putting up with the drama you’re going through. But I encourage you to persevere through the dark times and love people as best you can. Jesus says in John 5, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
    If you kick your friend to the curb every time something goes wrong, that is not exemplifying the character of Christ. The world says, “You’re the center of everything, so do what makes you feel good!” But that lie couldn’t be further from the truth. As God’s Chosen Daughters we are called to love, forgive, and forgive some more. Give your friends every opportunity to grow and be who they are truly meant to be, as you extend grace, upon grace, upon grace.  

    3) Pray for Your Friends

    Prayer is powerful! Oftentimes we desire for people to pray for us, and we ache for that support and encouragement. But just as we stated earlier, you must first be the person that you want your friends to be. Love them in the way that you want them to love you! So be the prayer warrior that God has created you to be. Ask your friends what you can be praying for them about. And then, most importantly, actually take the time to do it. Don’t casually shoot off the Christian cliche, “I’ll be praying for you!” if you have no intention of setting aside a few moments in your busy day, to settle your heart and petition Heaven on her behalf. Sometimes, it can be challenging to know what exactly to pray over our friends. We love praying scripture verses. It’s power packed, anointed, and easy to do! Just take your favorite verse, such as Jeremiah 29:11 and pray for your friend concerning things that revolve around that verse or particular passage.  

    4) Sisters Before Misters

    We’ve all been there. That terrible moment where you discover that you and one of your friends like the same guy! Gasp! It’s moments like this where it is so important to step back and get God’s perspective on the situation. Oftentimes when we have butterflies dancing around in our stomachs, and excited emotions toward a particular guy, we can feel tempted to believe that he is more important than our sisterhood friendships. But you have to remember that this is merely a phase in life, and things are most likely going to change. Either she, or you will grow out of that crush and move on. Don’t allow drama with guys to tear apart your precious friendships. Make the decision that sisters come before misters! 

    5) Say “No” To Gossip 

    Gossip, jealousy, and lose lips are one of the fastest ways to destroy strong friendships. If you have a misunderstanding with one of your friends (which is bound to happen, because we’re all human!) or are worried about something that happened, talk to her about it right away. Not to another friends. If you have problems with a friend, discuss them openly with that friend, and that friend only. Everyone doesn’t need to know what Susie said about you and Sarah, or how deeply she hurt your feelings. Talk to Susie about it and clear things up as quickly as possible, without involving your entire tribe! If you need another ear to hear what’s going on, and lend some Godly advice, talk to your Mom, big sister, or an older woman you trust: not your peer group. Gossip is like a wildfire that damages everything in it’s past. Even if your intentions are pure, by the time they reach someone else’s ears, the entire story might have changed. Be known as a Godly girl with high integrity. Say “no” to gossip. Let your friends know that you don’t want to hear rumors, or talk about people behind their back. Set the standard, and make your space a “no gossip zone.” Because if you have friends who gossip with you about other people, who do you think they’re talking about when you’re not around?

    Nurturing, protecting, and cherishing Godly friendships takes prayer, energy, sacrifice, and a whole lot of love! Relationships can be challenging and at times heartbreaking. But they are always worth it. Be encouraged to know that the Lord has other young women out there with hearts similar to yours, and you’re not the only one on this planet walking a set-apart life! At times, this journey can feel lonely, but that’s when we need to reach out and connect with others.
    If you feel like there’s no one who understands your faith, relationship with Christ, and truly values your friendship and encourages you in your walk with the Lord, please feel free to reach out to us! We have a buzzing community of Christian girls who all love and care for one another, at Crown of Beauty Magazine. So come on over, and feel free to join the community! Get connected with your Princess Sisters! http://www.crownofbeautymagazine.com/ 

    What do you guys think? Would you be interested in me having more people do guest posts on my blog? Are you interested in me writing guest posts for your blog? Leave a comment!

     

    Dating and Marrige: the Good, the Bad, and the Touchy (Part 2)

    Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

    Continuing from Part 1 (previous post).

    Now that I’ve explained my thoughts on dating and courtship it’s time for me to answer the rest of the assigned questions. Here we go!

    What are the character traits you consider important in a spouse?

    Loving, kind, humble, pure, honest, bold in his faith, hard-working, intelligent, trustworthy, supportive, good sense of humor (to be able to deal with my weird sense of humor), reliable, responsible, compassionate, patient (Lord help him, he’ll need a lot of patience with me), cheerful, optimistic, loves children, helpful, easygoing, reasonable, thoughtful.

    That’s my list, at least what I can come up with right now. Wishful thinking? Maybe. Maybe that is unattainable in a person who is not Jesus. But maybe there’s a young man out there that fits the golden criteria. I have been praying for a while now that God would mold and prepare me now to fit my future husbands “golden criteria” for a wife.

    How will you “find” a spouse?

    This question strikes me as a little odd, because I have no idea how I’m going to “find” a spouse. When I was younger I kind of just expected to have really close family friends who we knew for ages and I would marry into it. But since I’m almost 17 and we still have no such friends with young men my age, I don’t think its going to happen that way anymore. I could be wrong though, I won’t know till it happens. I like this quote (I’m not sure who said it, and I tweaked it a lil):

    “Run as fast as you can towards God, and if you find someone beside you, introduce yourself.”

    I don’t think this means you can’t already know this person. I think it’s saying that, if you are following God’s will for your life He’ll bring the right person alongside you. Maybe doing the same mission work, fighting for the same cause, or writing on the same topic. Those are only 3 of numerous possibilities!

    How will you know he/she is the one for you?

    When his faith in and love for Christ is evident, he fits my “golden criteria,” and none of the people I love and trust oppose me having a relationship with him, I think those are good signs that he’s “the one.” I think from what I have read in the Bible I’ve learned that we can have high (but not hypocritical or unattainable) standards, but also that couples in the Bible didn’t have a lot of time to contemplate if he/she was “the one.” In the case of Rebekah and Isaac, God gave Abraham’s servant a sign, but Rebekah and Isaac didn’t ask for one. They were married the day they met and just trusted God that He wanted them to be together. Abigail married David after only speaking with and seeing him once, but she knew that David was a man of God and so she trusted God in her marriage. Maybe they didn’t feel a lightning bolt from God that this person was the person for them, I don’t know, but I’m not going to expect a lightning bolt revelation. I will be attentive to the Holy Spirit’s prodding, either to or away from prospective spouses. But I don’t think it’s ALWAYS so stark and clear.

    What role will your parents have in this?

    My parents will be the ones that 1. let me go out on dates (at least in the beginning) and 2. give me their own opinion on the guys I’m interested in and/or are interested in me. Also they will influence my convictions about restrictions in a dating relationship if necessary. They will be the ones guiding, preparing, and praying for me. They have a very important role in such a situation. Their thoughts and opinions can overrule mine, and I trust them with that, being the Godly people they are and also because of the 4th commandment to honor my father and mother.

    This question was not asked but I think it’s an important one as well, which is:

    What are your personal dating restrictions?

    • Avoid tempting situations such as kissing on the lips (“making out” in particular), being absolutely alone (not in a public place, without friends or family) for long periods of time, über lengthy hugs, etc., or whatever that may look like for us. This really depends on the couple so I’m not going to push this on anyone. God never commanded that we can’t kiss or hold hands before we’re married but I think He does give certain people different convictions on those sorts of things. Some people may feel comfortable giving sweet little on-the-lip kisses before they’re married, others might want to wait for their wedding day. I don’t want to get too deep into this though since there’s enough material for me to talk on this subject for several more blog posts.
    • No premarital sex. This is just a given. It’s commanded by God over and over again in both the Old and New Testaments, and if a guy EVER tries to convince me into sexual intimacy before we are married then I can take it as a sign first of all that his relationship with God is not right, and also that I am not worth it enough to him to wait for marriage for something that was made only for marriage.

    In order to go on a first date with me he must:

    • Be a strong believer and follower of Christ
    • Respect my parents decisions about my dating relationships
    • Value and fight for my purity
    • Respect and encourage my personal dating restrictions (above)
    • Not be a desperate flirt (Theres a difference between constant and inappropriate flirting and innocent playfulness.)

     

    So, what do my readers think? Are you going to go about it differently than I, or have your prayers, thoughts, research, and Bible-reading brought you to the same conclusions as mine have? Have any of you been in Godly dating relationships? Leave a comment!

    Face Toner 

    I ❤️ essential oils. I really do. My family uses them every day, and this is one of my favorite ways to use them! So I decided to make a tutorial video for you all. I didn’t have enough of two ingredients with me but OH WELL YOU GUYS GET THE PICTURE. 😂 


    Ingredients:

    • 10 drops Lemon essential oil 
    • 10 drops Lavender essential oil
    • 10 drops Frankincense essential oil
    • 1 tsp or so of Jojoba or Grapeseed oil 
    • Witch Hazel (enough to fill a small bottle) 

    A face toner is generally used to improve your skin and reduce oiliness. This recipe my mom and I came up with does just that using a blend of Lemon, Lavender, and Frankincense essential oils. 

    Lemon oil is cleansing to skin, has PH balancing and antibacterial properties, and it helps slough off dead skin cells (<<eww, that sounds NASTY). 

    Lavender helps ease irritated and dry skin, inhibits bacteria that causes acne, and rebalances secretion of sebum (skin oils) which the bacteria thrives on. Plus it helps heal scar tissue.

    Frankincense helps heal dry, itchy skin, scars, and acne. It helps get rid of wrinkles too! 

    I Guess I’m Just Weird

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    I guess I’m just weird.

    A sore thumb.

    An odd one out.

    Not belonging in any sort of clique.

    I’m a nerd, but you wouldn’t know it unless you set me on the right conversation path.
    And even with the nerds, I don’t fit in a certain group.
    My favorite comic book hero is Superman.
    I love Star Wars and Star Trek.
    I’ve never read Harry Potter.

    I love to write, but I’ve never finished a project.
    Never written “The End”.
    Never said “Can you read my book?”
    Never known my own characters as well as I should,
    Even though they are the children of my own imagination.

    I’m homeschooled, and yet I’ve never known a homeschool family quite like mine.
    I am not completely cut off from the world.
    I enjoy the good parts of our culture, including Pop culture.
    I dress modestly, but I wear pants and shorts, and I try to keep up with the trends
    And yet we’re still conservative.

    I have my own fashion sense, I like to dress smartly and stylishly.
    But I don’t always have the means to buy the wardrobe I want.
    My outfits always feel somehow off to what my peers are wearing.
    I do wear makeup, not to change my face but to enhance what beauty God has given me.
    I’ve never met someone who dressed quite like me.

    I love all things domestic, although this isn’t forced upon me.
    I love the thought of being a housewife, a stay at home mom.
    The thought of educating my own children excites me,
    Much more that the thought of four extra years of educating myself in a university.
    And yet my generation pines after college as if its the only option, and young people like me are considered as a waste of potential by the World.

    I guess I’m just weird.

    I don’t fit into a circle.

    And you know what?

    I think I’m okay with that.

    Dating and Marrige: the Good, the Bad, and the Touchy (Part 1)

    I use the My Fathers World curriculum for home school, and since I finished my Pride and Prejudice reading assignment my latest writing assignment is an essay explaining my personal beliefs on dating/courtship and marriage. Since this is a topic I’ve been interested in blogging about anyway, I thought I might as well just write it to you all!

    These are the questions I am supposed to answer in my essay:

    1. What are your personal beliefs about dating/courtship and marriage?
    2. What are the character traits you consider important in a spouse?
    3. How will you “find” a spouse?
    4. How will you know he is the one for you?
    5. What role will your parents have in this?

    Great questions aren’t they? I’ve wanted to fall in love, get married, and have a brood of children since, well, as long as I can remember. (I also wondered how people found anything besides the faces of others attractive till I was probably thirteen, so it was in no way, uh, inappropriate?) Consequently I’ve had a lot of thinking to do on the subject, and I’ve done my own research and “fact collecting” (like a good ISTJ 😂) about Bible-honoring romantic relationships and also about myself, and the kind of person who I want to marry some day.

    Let’s tackle the first question, and arguably the most controversy-inducing question of them all. I’ve looked into courtship and dating and looked at the pros and cons of each. When I was around 14 the Duggar girls were first shown entering romantic relationships through this process called courting which, at that time, I had probably only heard mentioned in Victorian books. It seemed perfect. And yet watching it made me cringe. Everything about the whole process was awkward with a good many sweet moments thrown in, but mostly awkward. Ben Seewald and Derick Dillard approached Mr and Mrs Duggar to ask to “enter an official courtship” *shudder* with their daughters and just as well could have been asking to marry Jessa and Jill by how grave and nerve-wracking it was. I’m not trying to disrespect the Duggar family in any way, this is just the best example I can give of a flawed Christian courtship (even though it ended well).

    Here’s my step by step breakdown of modern Christian courtship:

    Step 1. Boy and girl meet, maybe on several occasions, and there’s some attraction on at least one part.

    Step 2. Boy asks mother and father of girl if he has permission to enter a courtship with their daughter (aka: get to know her better with the end result being their marriage).

    Step 3. If mom and dad permit it, the girl is then asked if she would like to enter a courtship with boy. If she complies, they begin an official courtship which is basically a betrothal.

    Step 4. The rest of courtship is them getting to know each other before getting married, doing “real life” things together, not this floofy “fun” that less spiritual people speak of (sorry, I have to be a tad sarcastic).

    Do you see any problems with this description above? It took me awhile but I finally figured it out. THE COMMITMENT AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP IS EQUIVALENT TO AN ENGAGEMENT. Do you see anything wrong with that? Let me explain myself: if you have just “come of age”, and never had any romantic relationships before, do you even know, truly, what you want in a spouse? I haven’t even had a full conversation with a peer of the opposite sex (besides cousins) since I was thirteen. What if you get several months into a courtship and find that, hey, he/she isn’t really what I want in a lifelong spouse? Breaking it off, from my research, has traumatized some similarly to the breaking off of an engagement, and left both participants in a state of discouragement and heartbreak. Another problem with this system is that Godly young men are left feeling worthless as fathers and mothers deny them the opportunity of getting to know their daughters better (because nobody is good enough for their princesses), and Godly young women start doubting themselves, wondering if they’re not good enough get any romantic inquiries.

    This is why (along with a few other reasons) my family has decided we are not going the traditional courtship route once we kids are old enough. Does this mean we must resort to the worldly, sometimes fornication-included dating? Absolutely NOT!

    Here are the three steps I’ve outlined, between “just friends” and “man and wife”, in a God-glorifying dating relationship:

    Step 1) Dating: a time to determine through several dates if there’s any future with, more than likely, a couple different guys/girls. Casual, no set in stone commitments. Can be discontinued without huge emotional trauma or violently hurt feelings. Friendship status.

    Step 2) “Going steady”: a time when you’ve dated one guy/girl consistently and have determined that you could have a future together. Not engaged, but marriage is definitely possible. Breaking it might be a bigger deal than just after the above friend type dates, although not devastating. Boyfriend and girlfriend status.

    Step 3) Engaged: a time to plan for your wedding and broaden your relationship. Full faithfulness required.

    Now, since this is so long already, I’m going to break it into at least two parts. Be sure to check back soon for the answers to the rest of the questions, and also dating restrictions and requirements I’ve written out for myself using Gods Word and what wisdom and discernment He has graciously granted me.

    What do my readers think about the Dating -vs- Courtship controversy? Leave a (nice and respectful if you please) comment!